My emotions slithered toward you like frost
I drowned in my dry oceans of bone dust
I taste the wreckage of ones whom are lost
I know this pale thing in the dark of trust
My life's ending came as slow as grave moss
I wept as we all get eaten by death
Slow desolation, I feel at a loss
The lovely one screams for her final breath
Love is rotting on the vine of your faith
Crumbling away in this bright, grand sunshine
I forever hope this won't end the eighth
Point me toward the sky and I will be fine
Love remains as long as our virtue stays
I hope this will last till my dying days
I drowned in my dry oceans of bone dust
I taste the wreckage of ones whom are lost
I know this pale thing in the dark of trust
My life's ending came as slow as grave moss
I wept as we all get eaten by death
Slow desolation, I feel at a loss
The lovely one screams for her final breath
Love is rotting on the vine of your faith
Crumbling away in this bright, grand sunshine
I forever hope this won't end the eighth
Point me toward the sky and I will be fine
Love remains as long as our virtue stays
I hope this will last till my dying days
This is an Acid Bath song I revised into a sonnet (Ten syllables a line, first 14 line rhyme and then the final two rhyme. Total of 16 lines.). Very difficult. Why? To take words, that you didn't yourself put together, into a specific order in such a flowing, precise rhyming way, is something special in itself. Personally, I wouldn't use most of the words of choice in this writing. I stayed true to the song's lyrics and meaning. This puts a more artistic spin on the song so it's taken more seriously. As I believe it should, which is why I did this.
As I read this over, I remember this was from years ago. I would estimate about the age of 16. I see many flaws; such as, the excess use of "I". I chose to post this one first, to show that I'm creative enough to take such limited circumstances and create something unique, fresh and still the same. I would really appreciate positive critiques. For all negative, there is a positive. You want to say something that you don't like, word it positively. :] Also, please don't make comments on the topic or the words. That's nothing I had control over.
To end, I'll site my sources.. again.
Title: Venus Blue
Band: Acid Bath
Album: Paegan Terrorism Tactics (1996)
Lyrical writer: Dax Riggs
PS
That album title is very humorous to me. If you understand the beliefs of pagan, you'll understand the pun. Also, being a nihilist of religion, even myself was at a discord with the sky reference. As said, I kept its roots. It's what the original artist would expect; and respect that I shall.
As I read this over, I remember this was from years ago. I would estimate about the age of 16. I see many flaws; such as, the excess use of "I". I chose to post this one first, to show that I'm creative enough to take such limited circumstances and create something unique, fresh and still the same. I would really appreciate positive critiques. For all negative, there is a positive. You want to say something that you don't like, word it positively. :] Also, please don't make comments on the topic or the words. That's nothing I had control over.
To end, I'll site my sources.. again.
Title: Venus Blue
Band: Acid Bath
Album: Paegan Terrorism Tactics (1996)
Lyrical writer: Dax Riggs
PS
That album title is very humorous to me. If you understand the beliefs of pagan, you'll understand the pun. Also, being a nihilist of religion, even myself was at a discord with the sky reference. As said, I kept its roots. It's what the original artist would expect; and respect that I shall.
