My emotions slithered toward you like frost
I drowned in my dry oceans of bone dust
I taste the wreckage of ones whom are lost
I know this pale thing in the dark of trust
My life's ending came as slow as grave moss
I wept as we all get eaten by death
Slow desolation, I feel at a loss
The lovely one screams for her final breath
Love is rotting on the vine of your faith
Crumbling away in this bright, grand sunshine
I forever hope this won't end the eighth
Point me toward the sky and I will be fine
Love remains as long as our virtue stays
I hope this will last till my dying days
I drowned in my dry oceans of bone dust
I taste the wreckage of ones whom are lost
I know this pale thing in the dark of trust
My life's ending came as slow as grave moss
I wept as we all get eaten by death
Slow desolation, I feel at a loss
The lovely one screams for her final breath
Love is rotting on the vine of your faith
Crumbling away in this bright, grand sunshine
I forever hope this won't end the eighth
Point me toward the sky and I will be fine
Love remains as long as our virtue stays
I hope this will last till my dying days
This is an Acid Bath song I revised into a sonnet (Ten syllables a line, first 14 line rhyme and then the final two rhyme. Total of 16 lines.). Very difficult. Why? To take words, that you didn't yourself put together, into a specific order in such a flowing, precise rhyming way, is something special in itself. Personally, I wouldn't use most of the words of choice in this writing. I stayed true to the song's lyrics and meaning. This puts a more artistic spin on the song so it's taken more seriously. As I believe it should, which is why I did this.
As I read this over, I remember this was from years ago. I would estimate about the age of 16. I see many flaws; such as, the excess use of "I". I chose to post this one first, to show that I'm creative enough to take such limited circumstances and create something unique, fresh and still the same. I would really appreciate positive critiques. For all negative, there is a positive. You want to say something that you don't like, word it positively. :] Also, please don't make comments on the topic or the words. That's nothing I had control over.
To end, I'll site my sources.. again.
Title: Venus Blue
Band: Acid Bath
Album: Paegan Terrorism Tactics (1996)
Lyrical writer: Dax Riggs
PS
That album title is very humorous to me. If you understand the beliefs of pagan, you'll understand the pun. Also, being a nihilist of religion, even myself was at a discord with the sky reference. As said, I kept its roots. It's what the original artist would expect; and respect that I shall.
As I read this over, I remember this was from years ago. I would estimate about the age of 16. I see many flaws; such as, the excess use of "I". I chose to post this one first, to show that I'm creative enough to take such limited circumstances and create something unique, fresh and still the same. I would really appreciate positive critiques. For all negative, there is a positive. You want to say something that you don't like, word it positively. :] Also, please don't make comments on the topic or the words. That's nothing I had control over.
To end, I'll site my sources.. again.
Title: Venus Blue
Band: Acid Bath
Album: Paegan Terrorism Tactics (1996)
Lyrical writer: Dax Riggs
PS
That album title is very humorous to me. If you understand the beliefs of pagan, you'll understand the pun. Also, being a nihilist of religion, even myself was at a discord with the sky reference. As said, I kept its roots. It's what the original artist would expect; and respect that I shall.
3 comments:
Wow Mike, that blog was quite deep. I really like sonnets and poetry, and like you said, it’s no easy feat to write a sonnet. I also thought the use of colors to emphasize rhyme was quite intelligent. Any who, Cool Blog! I also thought it was very neat how you not only wrote the sonnet, but also explained why
okay, so I'll admit that i'm really more of a 'bright and sunshine' person, so I'm going to tell you right out that I don't get your post. but reading your comment on Mrs. Morrison's page about yourself was intriguing. there was the whole 'dark' thing going on(i dont think in your comment, but i had already checked out your blog so i got that feeling), then you ended with 'tah tah!' which suggests that you do have a lighter, fun side. That got me. I look forward to getting to konw you =]
- Chrissy
So, I really have to agree with Zane. The sonnet is quite deep. I Like it.
I also have to agree with you. Blogosphere is a completely weird word. We have alot of the same intrests. Writing Music and Food. But you can keep the polotics. Im not very big on that. The FoodNetwork is one of my favorite things to watch, I usually have it on atleast once daily. I listen more to music then anything else.
-JJ
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